Conversations With Friends

Following on from the adaptation of Normal People we have the same director bringing us an adaptation of Conversations With Friends. In terms of Sally Rooney’s career this is backwards but this is how the TV has brought it to us, and how I’ve accessed them too.

Much like Normal People we have young Irish people, final year students I think, but with jobs as well (it’s really not super clear - this may be an age thing, when I was a student it was rare to have to take a job, and no one I can remember did that, these might just be kiddies who were working to make ends meet) in Conversations with Friends rather than at school, at the start of the story, learning about the world and their place in it. But they’re also negotiating the world of work and sex/intimate relationships in the adult world. Students might be adults but blowing off lectures is different to blowing off work and your pool of possible partners and friends are basically your age. Once you’re in work, age gaps are suddenly potentially measured in decades (even if you keep your friends closer to your age your supervisor/boss will likely be 20+ years older than you for example) and that requires adjustments in your life.

I found Conversations With Friends harder to get into than Normal People. Who would have thought that I might identify closely with a massively introverted, sexually submissive, highly intelligent woman? I didn’t have that same connection to the characters here. There are clearly parts I do relate to (hello wlw exes still friends) but I was in a university environment from 18-32 and never did that “leaving at 21 and growing up” thing. I grew older with peers still, but when I went into work I was between the normal new graduates and supervisors in age, comfortable talking to both, at least in a work environment. Likewise, in part of that time I worked in the theatre, but stage crew and lighting. The characters here are all performers - even the writers - and, while we may need each other, we don’t like each other and that spilt over into the characters here for me (generally speaking, like all generalisations there are exceptions).

What both the director and the cast do, in both shows, which makes me think there’s a great director and intimacy coordinator team, is turn the intimate scenes into something magnificent. First there’s a female gaze, which is always nice, but these days not entirely a shock. But, more importantly, while they are sex scenes at one level, there’s something that shifts them, makes me label them intimate scenes. It’s not that they’re a natural or inevitable part of the story, more that they’re an integral part of the story. The sex shows how the characters relate, how their relationship develops and changes, what they’re like when they open up and let down their public facades and open up to someone.

I’m suspecting (she has a third novel that is in my tbr list) that all of Sally Rooney's titles should be regarded as ironic, if not outright lies. Marianne and Connell are further from any reasonable definition of Normal People than I am. Nick, Melissa, Frances and Bobbi hardly ever have a conversation that strikes me as one that occurs between friends. They don’t strike me as unreal, I’ve seen or, much worse, participated in conversations like these over the years but they were never friendly. The first conversation that feels like it’s actually between friends occurs in episode six, there ought to be some in episodes one and two to establish that Frances and Bobbi are still good friends but they weren’t there, at least I didn’t recognise them as such.

I’m torn about this series. I loved Normal People I think because it took a submissive, highly intelligent woman and her introverted, equally smart boyfriend, and I could relate to them both strongly in many ways. While there are parts of Frances I can relate to, there are far more that leave me going “Dafuq? Are you five?” I’ve already said far too few of the conversations feel like they’re between friends, they’re emotionally bruising and small-p politically charged encounters (oddly the large-p Political conversation - I think there was only one - was one where I felt quite comfortable) that you have to navigate with all your senses tuned to their finest so you don’t miss any nuance. Parts feel satisfying but far too much feels like like really beautifully shot hard work. Episode 12 so nearly redeemed it, it seemed like Frances had realised she was acting like a child (and some of the earlier episodes had established reasons that left me understanding why and being more forgiving of that) and had matured, as much as you can, into a young adult in her early 20’s. The last four words though, argh. Overall, this show and the really political conversations and the growing up and reversion may suit you more than they did me, and I have no regrets about watching it, but no desire to watch it again. (I have watched Normal People again and if time permits I will watch it a third time happily.)

Bechdel Test: Pass. Frances and Bobbi mostly talk in every episode and while it’s sometimes about Nick, it’s often about the problems in their relationship, work, holidays and other such things.

Ko Test: Pass. Bobbi is a WOC. She’s a big part of every episode.

Russo Test: Pass. From their introduction Frances and Bobbi are labelled as bi and lesbian, and as exes. However, for almost all of the run of the series we’re told, not shown, that relationship and that attraction to women for both of them. Even when Bobbi brings a girl home for the night, the vibe between Bobbi and Emer is much more just friends than hot girl I picked up. When we finally get Bobbi and Frances together it’s great and actually feels much more comfortable than Frances and Nick - they make a better balanced couple I think. I don’t know anything about who filmed this but it felt like a queer woman was in charge, it felt both real and intimate rather than pornographic. All that aside, at some level I always believed Frances and Bobbi were exes. It’s hard to say why, there’s no one thing, not even a short list of clear things I can point at and say “that, there, that made me think they’d been a couple.” I guess, like a lot of couples and exes that stay friends, it’s a lot of little things that show that shared history and it’s a credit to the writers, actors and directors that they manage to bring that across in not all that much TV.